How to increase love when you’re empty.

In our fast paced technology world, we now have increased skill to connect with a potential mate or get in touch with family miles apart. From dating sites, Facebook, FaceTime, even ancestor DNA sites that help us transcend geography to increase our chances of being more intimate and closer to loved ones.

Yet, research has shown that we are lonelier and more disconnected than ever, even with all this technology. Our intimate experience can feel dissatisfied and sometimes even non existent. Why?

Technology is not meant to replace the human heart. The heart is a muscle and therefore needs to be exercised. I’m not talking about a fitness class or weights, the exercise I’m referring to is the one that requires presence.

What does ‘presence’ mean?

We need to be present to seek and know love. To discover the deep longing in our hearts, and intimately share it with another. Not just physically, but also mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The word intimacy broken down is: in to me I see

So here lies the struggle:
We want our partner to
see us,
seek us,
serve us and make us happy.

We know when these are met it creates a solid foundation of intimacy and connection. But when we look outside ourself to get them met, we find we are let down, betrayed or misunderstood. Sometimes we turn to blaming them or we turn it towards ourself and feel it must be something I’m doing or not doing to deserve this dissatisfaction.

Paradigm shift!

Instead consider this an opportunity to grow intimacy and connection. We will only ever allow love, connection and value into our lives at the degree we love, connect and value ourselves. When relationships become shallow and unfulfilling, it’s time to fall in love with yourself. Embrace the opportunity to give and receive even MORE love than you’ve had before.


1st: Grow your self love, seek to know your gifts, strengths and passions. Develop your dreams, your purpose and start talking to yourself with more love and kindness. Surround yourself with an environment for personal growth and discovery with books, Ted talks, audios, journaling and a community that practices growing their dreams.

2nd: Return the favour and practice this with the person you want more intimacy with. Show them that you are seeking to know them, their gifts and strengths, passions and dreams. It’s always a turn on when someone shows genuine interest in understanding and knowing you.

3rd: Be open to having an improved life that now can allow more love in and more love out. And celebrate the opportunity to continue growing and learning about yourself and others.

Most importantly, when we think we have it all figured out, this is the end of growth. Discover how uncertainty can be a doorway to exercising the heart. Embrace it and before you know it, intimacy has just jump started you to be fully alive in love.

This power intimacy can also help us grow better work environments and relationships. When you start from a place of love, learning and leading will come with more happiness and fulfillment. Your depths are worth discovering, and we owe it to those we work and live with to bring forth our best selves. Bring your potential to all you do, it makes a difference in everyone’s world.

“The height of your success will be measured with reference to the depth from which you started.”

Israelmore Ayivor, Leaders’ Frontpage: Leadership Insights from 21 Martin Luther King Jr. Thoughts

Stephanie Allen

Stephanie Allen is a trained therapist and coach who helps clients live an inspired life aligned with love, purpose and contribution. She offers energizing and empowering sessions to improve relationships, recognize strengths and leverage your value to optimize impact, potential and results for your life and business. Contact Stephanie for corporate team building, retreats and 1:1 sessions. Call (902) 694-3098 or Book Online